Poetry, Art, Creativity-- Blind Dreams (Welcome to my World , Niki Yan)

More poems

2010-04-16T19:19:00.000-07:00

I feel trapped ( not because of you)

The dark disappeared, the light shining in my room with no ease,
I feel trapped, not because of you, I am trapped in myself, I lost myself,
I lost the direction, I felt hungry,
I was afraid, I am afraid, the unknown future,
the unknown dreams, the unknown darkness, the unknown hope,
I feel trapped, not because of you

The logic does not follow the emotion,
The darkness does not match the lightning,
The fantasy doe not fit the reality,
The longing and dreaming just like bubbles over the Pacific Ocean.

you see it, you saw it, you feel,
Body falling apart, emotion flowing….

Love without any freedom.

You said you wasted all my fucking time, I said I will never leave you alone.
I don’t want to leave you alone
I don’t want to leave you alone at all.

Maybe I am drunk tonight,
Maybe I am silly,
maybe I am fragile
I like to be with you just for the hell of it
I am in peace...I am in peace now.
I feel so good, I am so happy...the sun coming down from the heaven make my skin dance like wind…….

I feel trapped, not because of you

When I was Young
When I was young
I thought I knew the truth
Now I am old
I am full of shit

What is love?
Love is torture
What is lust?
Lust is rebel

When I was young
I thought I was right
Now I am old
I am full of shit

What’s love
Love is torture
What is curse
Curse is rebel

When I was young
I thought I was right
Now I am old,
I am full of shit

The sun came down to my chest,
The window is big enough to cover our lives
The moon danced like a child
The plants breathed like my last life

I thought you were right
I thought you were full of pride

I thought I am the only one to get rest
But, that’s never the case

You were talented
And I though you know everything,
I was wrong, indeed
I thought you are everything for me
I thought in your heart there was just one name singing, I though
You’re the one for me.

Actually everything is illusion,
And it stuck in my ears.

I can’t see
I can’t hear
I can’t even feel, breathe
I was like a child, crying like a baby,
Yes, I did cry like a baby, if you ask me why I’m blaming on my destiny.

I can’t sing
I can’t dance
I can’t see your breath

You walked away
Like an angel
But to me,
You are still a child.

A child lost his brain
A child lost his dream
A child lost his own taste
A Child flying in the middle of the
Forest.

A child without feet
A child without wings
A Child without nothing
We call this world fantasy

I thought you are right
But we always fight
I thought you are the angel
But you always scream at me for no reason

I thought you’re a human
You said you’re from different planet.

I’m tired, swollen,
Have no motivation

Interaction, arguing,
Selling, & fucking,
No sad smile in heaven.

This world is full of you and me,
This world is chaos.

I don’t know the answer
I am the woman has no answer

I am full of shit, just like anyone else.

We’re the bubbles floating in the entire ocean with no
time and moonlight.
Just like last night
No full moon night
No pretty things and kisses.

I am the woman lost her own voice
I can just stand over the edge of 101 freeway
Watching all the Mercedes passing by.

American Dream

The American dream set me free
The American dream made me
Complete
The American dream made me
fall in love
fall in love with
You.

That’s why I run away
It’s all a dream
Let the pain dissolve away

Follow your dream
Time does not compromise
Follow your dream
Your heart will find you
Follow your dream
Your dream is you

Follow your dream
Your dream is complete, like you

I am so free
I am so in love with you.

Life on the fastest lane

The red hot pain,
the clear black blue sky is
the darkness in my bathroom and kitchen
Life is on the fastest lane.

I know every single street,
I know every light that turned on at night
I entered the orange light of the city
I saw his eyes
I felt his breath

I fall in love with every street and every person I encounter each day.

I’ve heard every bird’s singing and every single flower’s blossoming.
I fall in love with city just because of one person.

LA Life(My poetry collection)

2010-01-13T23:46:00.000-08:00

LA Life
--- A Desperate Chinese Girl’s Confession

About the author: Niki Yan,
Writer/Actress from China, the author of eight books in Chinese. Niki now lives in Los Angeles.

The Old Man and me

I fall in love with an old man
He is 30 years older than me

He has grey hair and blue eyes
His height is as same as me

He smokes, he drinks,
He plays guitars and Piano
He told me he is lonely

I met him through on-line dating
I thought it was pretty insane

First time we met we had Cuban black beans
His winkles was pretty in the dark side of the city

I really did not look at him directly
But he said Niki you are so pretty
I closed my eyes,
He held my hands.
We went for a drive
On Mulholland Dr.

It was dark it was late
It was foggy
It was great

Mist covered his glasses
His soul danced in his truck

I liked him immediately
Even though I knew he is as old as my daddy

I fall in love with him immediately
He said all the women took his money away
I felt sorry I felt mad
I wanted to kiss him, but I was too afraid

He played his music and he told me his past
How that old bitch cheated on him for another man rich
I heard his crying and his pain
All I wanted is to comfort him

The day passed, we saw each other again
He bought me roses he set me free
He has no Mercedes he has no big houses
His face carved with sincerity.

Dignity and pain
Divinity and pride
I fell in love with him right way

He opened the car door and put my seat belt on
I never see a man could be this gentle
He wiped my tear and touched my finger tips,
I was moved I was touched
I was happy I was excited

We planed our first anniversary carefully
We lived together and we care about each other
I cook for him, I wash his dishes
We make love like angles.

I touch his skin
When he is dreaming
I look at him like a baby

I feel so lucky
I feel great
He lives in Studio City
He said Niki, I am too old for a dream
I said darling you can do it again

You may not know the story
His life was up and down crazy.
He used to be a producer, he used to be a millionaire.
He used to live like a king
Now he does construction work and he barely survives.

He lost all his money and studios
He lost all his Mercedes and music
Some bustard stole his song fifteen years ago
They made a lot money but he got no penny
He quit his job in the music industry
He started doing construction work since

He said Niki Hollywood can make you rich and throw you away
I told him baby let’s try it again

I saw his sorrow saw his loss
But what can we do about the past?

He plays piano and guitars
His voice beautiful as angels
Every night when we go to beds
I told myself Niki you are the luckiest girl in the world.

You may say I am crazy
But that’s the way it is
I am happy I am so lucky
I don’t care what people say
I fall in love

I don’t care what they say to us….
I fall in love
I fall in love….
I fall in love.

You may say I am crazy
But that’s what it is
I am happy I am so lucky
I don’t care what people say

I fall in love with this old man

LIGHT

I am the lightning in the dark blue sky
The sunshine under your eye,
The imaginary rose and clouds
The rain that wet your dreams
The dragonfly, the sound, the silence, the pain the prayer,
The emptiness, the daring one with all the courage
I want to share you my sorrow and pain
If I am living my life as God's wish

Where can we go ?

Where can we go?
What can we see?
Where are you gonna to stay?

What’s tomorrow?
Where yesterday?
I think I’m falling in love with you
Cause I saw your soul.
Cause I saw your sorrow.

I love people,
I love you,
I love my neighborhood,

I love the sky filled with light.

I love your eyes filled with tears.
I love to see you cry,
I love to see you alive.

Love is a fragile thing

We love,
We care
We can not betray our heart

The beauty and purity
The dignity and divinity
Love is eternal…
love is an fragile thing...

Darling....I know your pain
I know your longings, I know your dreams.
I know you,
A working man with a mission

I know you are my fantasy

I know you are my responsibility

But love,
Is a fragile thing.

HEAVEN

When the sun goes down,
Dear! looking into the horizon
over the Pacific ocean,
the red ball shines for who?
The waves ring for who?
and your heart BEATING for who?

And your voice, your dreams are singing for who?

(when you look into the horizon, did you see a woman's both beauty and pain?)

when I look into horizon,
I saw your skin, thousands of years old, pure, shining
Ancient

The water is burning,
the fire is singing,
the Pacific is ever green,
I know there is a place called heaven

When you’re smiling at me

When you’re smiling at me,
I see your face,
When you’re smiling at me
I see your tears.
When you’re smiling at me,
My heart beating hard like a kid

The sun suddenly breathes
The flower suddenly turns red
And the clouds are white

When you're smiling at me
Happiness dancing around on my fingertips.

You’re like an angel to me
When you’re smiling at me
I’m closest to heaven

Gaze

You are beautiful
You are an angel

You are a soldier
You are my mirror
You are my fear
You are my long lost pal

Gaze you like sex
Looking into your soul
I cried

I cried like a leaf falling down the
River

I cried
After you warmed the very center of my
fear

I know
This is not the end

Gaze at you
Like heaven coming to earth
Like your tears shine on my finger
tips.

let’s go to Mars
Let’s drink coffee on Sunset blvd
Let’s make love in the forest
When the moon shine in your blood

Let’s laugh
Let’s cry
Let’s live with decency
Let’s be outrageous
Let’s be gentle
Like fire
Like water
Like the flame from heaven

Sweet Pie ( The coldness of Los Angeles)

My gaze at your forehead
My roof under your eye
I can never forget
I can never escape
from your little secret

I’m like a flame
Losing its very bright
I’m like a bird
try to heal the old wounds
I’m like an alien
Look into your window

But you are NOT there
You are not there my friend
The sky covered everything up
I’m just staying in my little cold room
Listening “The Man who Sold the world”

Am I looking for connection?
Am I seeking your shadow?
Or it’s your innocence melted the dark side of my dream?

I don’t know
I’m just a lost child
I gazed you from another planet
I gazed you from my last breath
I gazed you with my both hands trembling in the wind
I gazed you with that confusion and innocence
Like a lost child finally found home

It’s a cold day in Los angles
The cold air sneaked in to my bones
I’m thinking of you
I’m thinking of you cause I love
I’m thinking of you cause I am lost
I’m thinking of you cause I finally found home

The rain poured in May
The strangers’ eye passes by
I’m like an alien lost my direction
But sure this is not the end

This is not the end baby
I’m looking for your shadow,
Like I’m looking for sunbeam
In this rainy day
Under my roof

I’m looking for you cause I love
I’m looking cause I care
Maybe too much

I miss you not because one soul betrayed another
I miss you cause you are an angel

This is a rainy day in Los Angeles
I’m looking for you like I’m looking for my last life
Like I’m looking for shadow in the dazzling bright sunlight
Which created who I am

I miss you yes I am innocent
I’m not guilty cause you are sensitive enough to figure it all
Out

I miss you cause I am an angel too

I want to touch your fingertips
I want to have a road trip

I want to kiss your hair
I want to reach your soul

How long it takes to break my sin?
How long it takes to make a love complete?

I am waiting for you
In the shadow

I am waiting for you
In my own cube

I’m waiting for you
Cause I love

I miss you
Cause I am an angel too.

When the Day Ends

We were happy
We were working together
We were happily ever after.

We were friends,
We were lover,
We were the luckiest.

But when the day ends,
I could not find your smile.

I was like a ghost
Hanging around on Sunset Blvd.

I was, crying,
crying for whom?
I was happy, happy for whom?
You did not know, you may never know.

I was trembling like a child,
Everybody saw the emptiness on my face,
I was looking for you!

I was looking for your shadow,
I was looking for your....fragile

I was looking for your
breath, face, love
I could not hold myself.
I did not want to hold myself.

I am a child.

I could not wait,
I never be able to wait,
I am madly in love,
I’m in love with you.

I could not even control myself.
I did not even want to control myself.
I was crazy,
crazy for you,
I was insane,
insane because of you.
I was sober,
sober for you.

I was killing myself
for... you.

you did not know,
you may never know.
Today is the first day.
Tomorrow may never come.

I was crying , crying for you,
I was longing, longing because of you.
I was bitching,
bitching for you.

I was mad, madly in love with you.

But when the day ends,
I was naked,
when the day ends,
I was far from heaven.
You were sleeping,
you may be sleeping now.
You may never know my heart, my blood,
my fragile feeling and emotion,
my flowing pain....

I was looking for a broken soul.
I was looking for you.

Purple

Please take a deep breath
Please listen to your heart closely
Please forget my name if you don’t remember my face,
Please think of a girl, in a beautiful afternoon,
When the rainbow starts arising,
When the air is full of your breath,
When the wind starts breezing, dear!
When you’re drinking your coffee at Starbucks
Please think…think of a girl

16 years old, walking toward you
with a velvet trend
with a pinnacle light on her hand

Her cloth is so white, like the moonlight,
She remembers that night, the moon also was so bright
that night, how the lightning breaking through
the surface of her tide.

Tonight,
The moon blossoming like lotus
She walking down your window
like a purple lilac
bringing you the ancient fragrance
With the ocean’s breath

A Raining Day in Los Angeles

It’s a raining day in Los Angeles,
darling, I opened my window cause
I want to see you.
to see you as a stranger, to see you as a lover
to see you as my echo
to see a beautiful soul covered with fear

If not for me,
What’s the meaning of living?
If not for me,
What’s the point to live in the city of angels?

Mama said she will be right back
Papa said his hair turned white

I closed my window, then I want to go back to Colorado
Go back to Aspen…
Go back to where I came from…
Hiding in those pine trees and never never miss you.

I want to leave this city just for you
I want to save all my tears in my heart,
just for you.
darling, you promised me
you will be right back…

It’s a raining day in Los Angeles.

(2004, Hollywood, afternoon, when the sun comes out…)

If you ask me why

The rain dropped on your cheek,
the train left me 45 years ago,
the smile and the little house we shared our dreams
You ask me why...

The strange boy passing by
His eyes full of light
If you ask me why,
There is no reason why I said good bye,
If you ask me why

The strange boy’s tears stuck
In my chest,
I standing in the middle of the
dark
I laughed, I cried,
I cried, I laughed,
If you ask me why
I never came back.

Just woke up from the dust
just pretend like a sixteen year old
just put my pillow on the right
just washed my dished with all the sour and bitterness
spicy and delusion,
fantasy and imagination
I'm here for a reason

Just came back from the battle field
baby, if you ask me why I never came back...

If you ask me why,
Let me open my eye
Show you all my sorrows and strength
If you ask me why,
let me open my eye

(Give me sunshine give me light give me a hand give me your dream
give me hope give me love
give me ALL you have. )

If you want to read more, please contact me: Rainbowsea@hotmail.com
323-798-4524 ( I will send you the complete E-Book of the poetry. There are 100 more. They are all the treasures I saved in the past years by living in Los Angeles. Yes, they are all TRUE experience. And I charge $35 for the complete collection. You can pay me in person, or send through Bank/West Union/Money Gram etc. Thanks for reading! Have a great day! Niki)

Angel on earth

2008-11-21T19:44:00.000-08:00

Angel on earth

I saw myself flying high, above the sky
to the snow mountain, to the end of the
Planet.

I saw tears flying down on my cheek

The white dress covered my face, covered my tears…
I felt like an angel…

Flying high….

With tears flying down on my arm
I was flying like an angel

I saw myself flying high
With horizon disappearing in my eye

The white snow mountain
The wind blows the horizon

Purple

Please take a deep breath
Please listen to your heart closely
Please forget my name if you don’t remember my face,
Please think of a girl, in a beautiful afternoon,
When the rainbow starts arising,
When the air is full of your breath,
When the wind starts breezing, dear!
When you’re drinking your coffee at Starbucks
Please think…think of a girl

16 years old, walking toward you
with a velvet trend
with a pinnacle light on her hand

her cloth is so white, like the moonlight,
she remembers that night, the moon also was so bright
that night, how the lightning breaking through
the surface of her tide.

Tonight,
The moon blossoming like lotus
She walking down your window
like a purple lilac
bringing you the ancient fragrance
With the ocean’s breath

A Raining Day in Los Angeles

It’s a raining day in Los Angeles,
darling, I opened my window cause
I want to see you.
to see you as a stranger, to see you as a lover
to see you as my echo
to see a beautiful soul covered with fear

If not for me,
What’s the meaning of living?
If not for me,
What’s the point to live in the city of angels?

Mama said she will be right back
Papa said his hair turned white

I closed my window, then I want to go back to Colorado
Go back to Aspen…
Go back to where I came from…
Hiding in those pine trees and never never miss you
again.

I want to leave this city just for you
I want to save all my tears in my heart,
just for you.
darling, you promised me
you will be right back…

It’s a raining day in Los Angeles.

(Hollywood, afternoon, when the sun comes out…)

Autumn Song

It’s the first day of October.
It’s a shining rain on your back, falling
Like you left me , without saying anything

I closed my eyes, then I saw your face,
Every time when I close my eyes, I see your face,
beautiful, cautious, real, like a mirror,
I can see my heart beating, bleeding.

It’s the first day of October,
It’s a day will end everything.
I ran, ran, like a child,
But I can never fill your dream, like a baby,
falling, falling…
faded away
eventually.

I sing, I sing,
I travel like a sunflower.
The gold petals are my tears,
My frozen dream is like you left me without saying
Without saying: this world is wonderful,
Without
Saying: “Hi, baby, let me take you away…”

Your smile is like sunshine,
Warm me on the first day.
But I can’t see anything;
my tongue is frozen because you’re leaving,
maybe also because it’s raining.
It’s raining.

On the way I’m looking for your shadow,
Please don’t, don’t hide from my window.

I’m on my way, thunderstorm, and lightning,
baby, I’m on my way.

To leave you is to be with you,
To love you is to sing this song for you.

Good-bye, My Love

The pacific is flowing for whom?
The sunset singing for whom?

The phoenix dying for whom?
The Everest snow- melting for whom?
The sun
The air
The morning water drop on the grass
Tip.
The red roses, white clouds…
They are blossoming for whom?
If you see you will understand
If you love you will understand
If you wait if you pray
If you weep, you will never leave.

I have been waiting for you before
I was even born
My heart is beating in the darkest of my dream…

The Middle East’s gunshots
The Iraq’s blood
China’s 2008, Olympic
Baby, how can you not know, how can you not seen?

My heart is beating, just for a cosmic reason.

The yellow river sings for whom?
The great wall standing for whom?
The people, the Everest
The Sahara’s tears
The phoenix’s cheek

Darling if you understand this woman,
You will know the air is filled of my
Finger tip.
They are shining just like the dream shinning in your boyhood
I love you, I love the sky full of light
I love my heart is open for a democratic reason

This is my fondest dream
For you, my darling,
Waiting for you,
And never return.
like the brightest of the sky in your eye

Darling, if you understand this woman
You will understand the air is full of her finger tip

I love you!
I love the sky full of light!
I love your past and I love your dream’s strength and weakness
I cry cause I love
I sing cause I love
I write cause I love
I fly…
Cause
I
Love.

I love my heart open for a secret
For a man I can never reach…

The luminous sky and Niki’s eye
Tom Cruise standing on the far side of my roof

The Yangtze river
The three dams
My bed is buried in the red boiling current, then I think of a boy
And that is you, my love, I know I won’t have to sleep inside the river forever, and I can always
escape.

I can’t escape cause I love

From now on I am going to flow like a leaf
fly like a song, fly like a lie
flow like a child can fly
from now on, I am going to knock on your door all the time, feed you with my milk
picking up the bloody old flowers.
from now on, I’m going to leave you, leave you and never never come back

From now on, I’m going to refused Hamburgers and potato chips
From now on, I’m going to let pacific wash my sin and dust, from now on, I am going to leave you, leave you and never come back, from now on,

From now on, I am going to let Everest’s snow bury my fondest dreams,

From now on, the Everest is going to collapse in my backyard, from now on I am going to disappear, disappear just for you, just for you.
Good-bye, my love.

Sweet Pie ( The coldness of Los Angeles)

My gaze at your forehead
My roof under your eye
I can never forget
I can never escape
from your little secret

I’m like a flame
Losing it’s very bright
I’m like a bird
try to heal the old wounds
I am like an alien
Look into your window

But you are NOT there
You are not there my friend
The sky covered everything up
I’m just staying in my little cold room
Listening “The Man who Sold the world”

Am I looking for connection?
Am I seeking your shadow?
Or it’s your innocence melted the dark side of my dream

I don’t know
I am like a lost child
I gazed you from another planet
I gazed you from my last breath
I gazed you with my both hands trembling in the wind
I gazed you with that confusion and innocence
Like a lost child finally found home

It’s a cold day in Los angles
The cold air sneaked in to my bones
I’m thinking of you
I’m thinking of you cause I love
I’m thinking of you cause I am lost
I’m thinking of you cause I finally found home

The rain poured in May
The strangers’ eye pass by
I’m like an alien lost my direction
But sure this is not the end

This is not the end baby
I am looking for your shadow,
Like I’m looking for sunbeam
In this rainy day
Under my roof

I’m looking for you cause I love
I’m looking cause I care
Maybe too much

I miss you not because one soul betrayed another
I miss you cause you are an angel

This is a rainy day in Los Angeles
I am looking for you like I’m looking for my last life
Like I’m looking for shadow in the dazzling bright sunlight
Which created who I am

I miss you yes I am innocent
I’m not guilty cause you are sensitive enough to figure it all
Out

I miss you cause I am an angle too

I want to touch your fingertips
I want to have a road trip

I want to kiss your hair
I want to reach your soul

How long it takes to break my sin?
How long it takes to make a love complete?

I am waiting for you
In the shadow

I am waiting for you
In my own cube

I’m waiting for you
Cause I love

I miss you
Cause I am an angel too.

Gaze

You are beautiful
You are an angel

You are a soldier
You are my mirror
You are my fear
you are my long lost pal

Gaze you like sex
Looking into your soul
I cried

I cried like a leaf falling down the
River

I cried
After you warmed the very center of my
fear

I know
This is not the end

Gaze at you
Like heaven coming to earth
Like your tears shine on my finger
tips.

let’s go to Mars
Let’s drink coffee on Sunset blvd
Let’s make love in the forest
When the moon shine in your blood

Let’s laugh
Let’s cry
Let’s live with decency
Let’s be outrageous
Let’s be gentle
Like fire
Like water
Like ice cube in your glass.

A gentle touch of love

I'm suffering...
am I?

I am dreaming
am I?
I saw this gentle love around my arm
I feel angel watching me sleep

Am I dreaming?

Am I suffering?

I feel LOVE dancing all over my Apt.
in Hollywood.

Snow under the fire

2008-11-21T19:35:00.000-08:00

we were happy
we were working together
we were happily ever after.

we were friends,
we were lover,
we were the luckiest.

But when the day ends,
I could not find your smile.

I was like a ghost
hanging around on Sunset Blvd.

I was, crying,
crying for whom?
I was happy, happy for whom?
You did not know, you may never know.

I was trembling like a child,
everybody saw the emptiness on my face,
I was looking for you!

I was looking for your shadow,
I was looking for your....fragile

I was looking for your
breath, face, love
I could not hold myself.
I don't want to hold myself.
I never want to hold myself.

I am a child.

I could not wait,
I never be able to wait,
I am madly in love,
in love with you.

I could not even control myself.
I don't want to control myself.
I was crazy,
crazy for you,
I was insane,
insane because of you.
I was sober,
sober for you.

I was killing myself
for... you.

you did not know,
you may never know.
Today is the first day.
Tomorrow may never come.

I was crying , crying for you,
I was longing, longing because of you.
I was bitching,
bitching for you.

I was mad, madly in love with you.

But when the day ends,
I was naked,
when the day ends,
I was far from heaven.
you were sleeping,
you may be sleeping now.
You may never know my heart, my blood,
my fragile feeling and emotion,
my flowing pain....

I was looking for a broken soul.
I was looking for you.

Waiting for you for a thousand years

2008-11-21T18:31:00.001-08:00

I have been waiting here,
On the top of the Mount Everest
For a thousand years.

My hair starts falling,
My teeth are frozen
My feet become the roots,
The snow-white roots of a pine tree
growing crazily
underneath the 8850 meters’ mountain

It snowed for the first 100 years;
The blizzard covered time and space
I stopped weeping
I had nothing but waiting.

Waiting is beginning of my aging.
I lost my beauty, including
my black silk hair, my golden silk skin
I lost them all.

I lost myself from the previous life and the life after
just for a wish, a wish never change

You don’t know, you don’t see, you don’t feel
I’m here,
Standing as a Greek Sculpture,
solid, old, fragile

You don’t know,
You probably never know

I’m walking
down the hill of the tulips,
smiling at you,
with the tears of angel.

You don’t know,
You probably never know.

42 tears falling through my body, 42 wishes, 42 dreams
42 snowflakes, floating,
in the dark of silence.

42 times of raining, 42 years old man walking
in the opposite direction.

42 years walking through my finger
42 lives standing over my shoulder

A fire bird coming from paradise to say hi
My fingertip suddenly grows to light

I see you, a genius with the soul of snow
I see you, a permanent voice standing over my roof
I see you walking on the Everest
with tears falling down on my
Fingertip.

I close my eyes,
I walk like a goddess, dimly ,
disappear, just for you.

disappear cause I love.

42 tears went through my body permanently,
I have been waiting for you,
for a thousand years.

My heart is beating, my mind is burning
One vibration, one dream, one name…

Time passing by silently,
I’m still here, waiting, seizing …

The sun lost its sight
The avalanche blinded my vision
My lips became the lightning
Longing for you is no longer a language

I’m waiting, at the same position
The whole universe started crying
Another 500 years passing.

The stars slowly falling
with the speed of lighting
to the deepest part of my heart,
like hailstone, like emerald,
like diamond and pearl
from Galaxy,
from the brightest part of your eye
from the silky blue sky,
with a wish, a wish I’ve been longing since last century…
(With the ancient color and luster…baby )

I have been waiting for you,
for a thousand years.
but I haven’t seen a trace,
a little trace about your face, about
the way you walk towards me, intangibly.

My body is full of your image
I lost my own identity
only my eyes are still full of tears,
floating into floods
frozen into glaciers,
10000 feet to infinity
beyond my imagination.

The first 500 years.
I standing up here, don’t move,
My hair become fossil
My skin dries like flame
No more water drop, no more moisture with crystal color.
no more fog, no more air… no more
like the veins of leaves, stop flowing

A bird flying over my shoulder,
He laughed me like a monster,
It was not you, so I kept waiting,
Another 500 years I did not move one inch.

I bear my own pain,
I lost my arms as well,
they grew up to the sky,
as part of the pine tree,
baby,
the snow falling four seasons, I was looking for
your shadow,
I was looking for you, a beautiful stranger with a
soul of snow

but finally you did not come, you did not see my smiled heart with tears,
I became a fossil, a primitive fossil

someone finally picked it up, and that was not
You.

He looked at it with tears,
He looked at me with the face of faith,
(He must be touched I think.)

Finally
he donated it to a museum,
a beautiful fossil with the mark of love

Everyday, a lot people came, to watch me, then they leave,
a lot people, a lot couples, I was looking for your
shadow, but I did not see
a breath… a slight breath of an atom
a light of particle,
I did not see, the invisible soul with the purity of gold.

day by day, year by year, each moment,
I was looking for you,
in the crowd of cold and fragile,
each moment I take a heavy breath
each moment
It was like a century

each moment passing like lightning.

but I don’t sigh
I will always recognize you,
even though you disguised,
even though you already reincarnated into
something else,
but the smell, the energy, the info about you
is
the same,
I can still tell, I can tell right way if you
showed up

right in front of this fossil,
with the most joy and ecstasy,
I will let the last drop of my tear fall cause
you
arrived

But that never happened.

I lived in the museum for another 1000 years
finally the museum became a giant crystal stone
and I was part of it… I remember, remember you… with the soul of snow. that was long time ago, the snow, the peak, the mountain, the Everest

the Everest is still here, the time vanished
I’m still here,
time don’t cease , that’s us, we are ceasing and aging
but not me, not this heart, this soul, this mind, this dream.

every single second I reborn baby
arising from the ashes, just like the phoenix,
with the eternity, stay in the center of the solar system
they don’t die, I don’t die, even after I become a fossil, I still arise from my
ashes,
just to see you, to look for you, one more time, cause
time
don’t cease, neither do we, we are the sun of god, the one and only pair eggs from the fire,
we become the prehistory eggs of phoenix, arising again, again, from the
last light year, we arise, with victory, with prosperity,
I called it Feng Huang---the one and Only pair living
in the womb of the fire

I remember, remember the second 500 years of Everest
disaster come from all over the universe, from eight direction and six dimension
the ice age is coming.
snowslide falling down
from the mountain
at the speed I can never imagine

my back injured, also
my neck,
but my feet are still standing, at the same position

Himalayan becomes the age of heaven.

Hurricane whipping my skin,
My blood floating like flood,
Covered the whole universe, including Everest,
Millions of millions azaleas blossom at the same time
Crazily, wildly, hysterically, blood red,
a color you have never seen.

(What did you see my darling…? in the flaming red petals…
If you couldn’t see, just listen; listen to the heart of the mountain!)

They want you know
I’m here, waiting for you
for a promise has been lost for a thousand years,
for a wish, a faith ,
a man I have never seen
for a star lost its own identity.
for my own destiny and mission
(perseverance ? sacrifice?
or both
or a mind of goddess)

My blood blossom, for you,
just for you.
So that you can look back,
So I can see a slightly trace
of your beautiful face, carved with
faith

Another 500 years passing
by my feet
I heard nothing but blizzard
They took my bones.
My pulse stops beating
My blood stops flowing.
My lips grow to leaves and branches.
My ancient face starts blooming

The first revolution was ending.

Skyline and horizon disappear at the same time.
Like oxygen already a legend can’t be reaching.

Then the 8th of the 100 years came
The sun suddenly dazzling as the fire of heaven
All the clouds started burning
The strong white light with elevation,
Dry, less oxygen,
devours every piece of snow,
every drop of my hope.
My throat can ONLY remember one name,
And that is YOU

All the rains and snows gathered
at the center of the equator
all the light and heat started weeping, with
high energy, for a girl from China,
for a soul with strength and fragility.

Everest is in drought,
all the glaciers start melting,
I tasted it,
(before they evaporated)
it was salty, so salty

( Darling, you know what it is)

All the glaciers dissolved to air,
with the boiling hot temperature.
every corner is written with your name,
Like the star in the dark blue sky,
Infinite and everlasting,

I am still waiting,
in the peace of the mind
in the center of the universe
in the wet-hot air, I still smile.
The smile could change the whole universe,

The eternal sunshine enlightening the
dark inside of your eye
There is something never changes,
There is something called faith.
Firing, like the Equator
Has the most touching enthusiasm

I’ve listened the silence of the day and night
I am still standing, at the same position.
the moon and the sun
in the dark for another 100 years.

I’m already a prehistoric fossil, with 800 years history

In the 9th of the 100 years,
My whole body grows to a tree,
An ancient pine tree with the arms to the sky,
with the feet to the core of the earth.

My whole body’s twining with the crawling plants for a century.
My lonely bones are hundreds of hundreds years of integrity
No one can change my eternity.

I’m waiting for you here,
On the top of the Mount Everest
For a thousand years.

My root stopped growing,
The branches and leaves are already luxuriant
My commitment is finished
as the pine tree of the century.
But I can’t forget why I am here at first place.
Why I am still not happy
Why I still feel missing?
Why am I still lonely?

My love and my holy heart
This is the decision I made,
This is the path I chose
I will always be waiting for you here
With the same position
For the same reason,
For another thousand years if that’s the way
It is.

I’ve seen unlimited days and nights
Infinite seconds and minutes.
The unchanged sky
The snow-white sunshine.
I know every star’s home, I’ve seen the
Sunset and sunrise at the 8850 meters high
How they born and how they die
I already have no tears.
The red clouds flaming on the top of the Everest
My root continue growing underneath
at the speed of light,
No one can see,
But you, no one knows, but YOU.

I am still waiting, the 10th 100 years is coming.

My posture is still the same
No one can change the way it stands
A flock of eagles start weeping
You may laugh at me baby.

A thousand years passed.
You finally arrived;
With my imagination, with my withered heart,
on this wasted land,
I’m nervous, also afraid,
with nothing but a wish, a thousand years old wish

My eyes finally have the tears again
That’s the flowing veins in the body of the pine tree.

A thousand years passed,
You finally appeared,
But when you came, it was just like a second
It seemed never real

Everest still has the snow-white skin and muscle.
I waited for you here, for a thousand years,
Darling,
My look has been old, so old
I lost my beauty,
Including my ancient face, and my arms, I
can’t even give you a hug.
but something’s still beating.
fresh red, like Girard azalea,
still burning, still
blazing, flaming
underneath the primitive stone
, in the snow.
( If I choose, I can let it fire the whole mountains of the azaleas... )

Darling,
Maybe when you see me, you probably don’t recognize
remember, just remember,
when you’re about to turn around
listen, listen carefully
inside the pine tree,
there is something still beating;
that is my heart, my ancient heart,
it has been beating for
You, for a thousand years

Then, if you want
You can still turn around
But you see
You will see
one drop of tear,
falling down, falling down, slowly
to the ground,
to the snow
so clear
that’s the last blood of my heart
---( and it will never dry by the wind…)

Darling,
I have been waiting for you here
On the top of the Mount Everest, for
A thousand years.

I am a Wounded Child

2008-11-21T18:03:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oo9ZN3w5Ruc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FEcmKZnT5GQ

when I am lost

can you show me the light on your finger tip?

or im just a lost child can't see the dark but the moment of eternity & last life's

secret?

I am a wounded kid

looking for my direction

you may never see me

but you know my pain

Free like air--I love Madonna

2008-10-22T22:54:00.000-07:00

I think she is one of the courageous women in the world, she has no FEAR to be who she IS. And she has been fighting for her freedom ALL her life, ( the freedom of Just Being Madonna!!) And she really truely LIVED! She has a beautiful spirit & heart, She is FREE as Air, that's why the WORLD knows her. The Hardest part is to be YPURSELF, most people live under shaddow of the fear and other people's opinion. Fuck it. Sometime You just have to say FUCK IT, and get out of your own MAZE, and make a difference. Yes, you just have stand up for yourself, and yes, the TRUTH. The wolrd is watching. Welcome to the Planet Earth.

Blind Dreams

2007-12-31T10:52:00.000-08:00

I had this blind dream
I have this blind dream
I have it all

The pain dissovles away
the pain makes me awake
I'm floating on the bed of my own world
The flood just went away my friend
But the fire is burning....
Nothing seems what it is
Everything is laying on the clouds
Nothing seemes it's supposed to be
I'm lying on my Blind Dreams.

I'm sleeping in my blind dreams
I'm breathing in my blind dreams

Copyright Niki Yan 2007 ALL RIGHTS ARE RESERVED.